The now infamous Spreadsheet Sex couple may have inspired jokes and anger, but they also remind us of where sex fits -- or doesn't -- into a marriage. Some people believe it's essential, others not so much. Which raises a few questions: Do you owe your spouse sex? If you stop having sex with your spouse, is he or she justified in having an affair? Is the denial of sex just as much as a betrayal as infidelity?
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Author Kathy Batesel writes about topics she has experienced, worked with, or researched thoroughly. Rejection hurts. Ask any guy and he'll tell you stories of rejections that cut him to the bone. When a lover withholds sex, it's a particular kind of rejection that can affect a person's self-esteem and thought processes. People can have many valid reasons for not wanting to have sex, but often this physical act of intimacy can be wielded like a sword. In my article about dealing with silent treatments, I used the word "he" to describe an act that can be started by both men and women.
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Disclaimer: This post is directed at marriages where abuse is not occurring. I realize without this disclaimer, some people could assume I am saying that a wife in an abusive situation has no reason to deny sex. Also, I recognize that some marriages are dealing with physical or mental illnesses that make sex difficult or impossible for a wide variety of reasons. This post is not written for those situations either. From another frustrated husband w hose wife has been denying him sex.
Years ago, I was having lunch with a woman who would eventually become one of my closest friends. To say she and I had great ease in talking about sex in our marriages would be an understatement. To this day, she is a confidante who I know will always be up for a transparent and authentic conversation about sexual struggles and sexual joys.